Dryly makes me sick.

The alternate title to this post was “I’m very stye-ley”.  Because you see, remember how I said on friday that I felt like someone had punched me in the face?  Well, on Saturday afternoon, I was driving around, after a lovely morning with Gillian, and I realised, oh, yeah.  This is what if felt like last year when I got a stye.  In looking at that post I just linked to, I realise that it is almost a year to the day that I got the last one.  That’s…a little freaky.

This one actually hasn’t been too bad, thanks to realising early what it was, and having leftover medication from last year. But I am choosing to blame Dryly.  It can’t be a coincidence, can it?  Apparently my body’s natural balance relies on at least 12 glasses of wine a week.

But there’s some good things to be said for Dryly.  It did mean Claire and I had an excuse to go to High Tea at Hippopotamus.  Which was lovely, in a more “Afternoon Tea at the Ritz” way than Martha’s Pantry:

Friday Frock: Slumber

I know that it is the height of naffness to write on the internet about how tired you are, but you know what?  YOU do a week of 4am starts and see how sparkly and witty you are feeling.  4am starts when you were expecting to work afternoons, and so had made plans you didn’t want to cancel, and so sleep suffers.  There’s a special kind of frustration that comes with lying in bed at 11:30, thinking “Hey, AWESOME, my alarm is going to go off in 4 hours”.  I believe it’s called the 8th circle of Hell.

Three nights in a row of four hours sleep is not enough for me to maintain the concentration it takes to do my job even adequately, AND keep up the social niceties of office interaction.  So, if I told you to bite me this week, well, I’m tired, and you’re annoying.

You can imagine therefore, that between the tiredness that is making me feel like someone punched me in the face a lot yesterday (either someone did in fact punch me in the face, or i slept with very clenched teeth), and dryly, I don’t feel much like looking at party frocks.

But maybe I’d sleep better if I had some pretty pyjamas?

My friend Caroline and I have always wanted to have a shop, that would sell, pyjamas, slices of pizza, ice cream sundaes and coffee table books. Pyjamas because I want to be able to go to work in my PJs, the pizza and ice cream, because they were things you couldn’t easily get in Christchurch at the time, and coffee table books, because…well, pretty.

At various stages the shop has had different iterations. Gilly was going to join us with a range of cosmetics, now she’s going to have a catering company doing corporate tiffins. It occured to me recently that if you take how I imagine the store, all sumptuous fabrics and whitewashed walls, add the ice cream sundaes, and mix in a little booze, you have the perfect venue for a slumber party. Now, if I could just win lotto or find a backer, bring Caroline back from London, and find a premises, I reckon I’ll be a millionaire business woman in two years, tops.

Activities

So Dryly is upon us.  I start on Wednesday, Claire has a Very Important Family Thing and so is starting on the sixth and continuing into August.  I may complete the last week with her, I haven’t decided yet.

So…activities for Dryly.

• High Tea at Martha’s Pantry, Finc or Hippopotamus
• Attend some Films
• I am going to do some more skating, cos I’ve been really slack recently.
• Maybe I’ll attend a sporting event.
• Craft 2.0.
• Actually, a crafternoon.  Maybe finally making these.
• Maybe a trip over the hill for some pretty shops?  (And if I remember from last time, an excellent milkshake.)
• A shopping trip to Otaki, followed by dinner at Denny’s.

What else should we do?  What else will be on in July?  What sober things can we do?  Ideas please.

And while you are thinking of ideas….Emily needs some help too.  At the start of the year she started a list of things she absolutely must do in Wellington.  Things like taking the cable car and picnicking in the gardens, eating at Fisherman’s table and Matterhorn. Seeing the Massey memorial, doing the vertical bungy, going to Kapiti Island and the karori sanctuary.

What other Wellington must dos are there?

Also, and just quickly

It is now only 20 days until dryly.  Yes, we are doing it again.

So, who is in?

Wondering

Why I had a dream last night, in which I was a horrible alcoholic, and I was drinking with friends, and got really drunk, and was horribly sick, tried to cover it up. Then I went to rehab.  And when I got out, I had to apologise to all these people, and my mum and dad were going through my bank statements looking at how much I had spent on alcohol.   My subconscious is not at all subtle!

Preparations

Wait, what drinking problem?

So the most important question on my mind right now is…what to drink tomorrow?

This is a very important question when one has 31 days sober. What will make my transition back to being a lush go more smoothly?

At right, you can see my options. Mmmm, Havana club…mojitos? Maybe a tad unseasonal. Or vodka, the old standard. I bought the two bottles of wine at the supermarket on Sunday. Verde, a longstanding favourite, was on special. Which had to be a sign. I’m not sure what of, but a sign none the less.

In all seriousness, I am very much looking forward to having a drink. I am looking forward to wine (just answered my own question, didn’t I), and that warm feeling you get in your stomach after the first few mouthfuls. I’m looking forward to being drunk, to that hazy goodwill, and inane laughter, wonky limbed merriment. I love that feeling. I’ve missed it.

And yet. Contrary to what I was expecting, and the impression I may have given on here, I have learnt something in this whole month of deprivation. While this last week has been hard, the first three weeks of not drinking were easy. Well, relatively easy. And that must translate somehow. I suspect that these early shifts (4am starts) would be much, much harder if I had been drinking. Not that I am stupid enough to drink the night before one, but I’m soooo old now that it takes me a few days to recover. So while I am fully expecting to enjoy my first wine back, I think I will still be being a bit quiet for the next while.

Having said that, there’s only so much craft you can do before you want to rip open a bottle of wine with your teeth.

Last ditch attempt at caffeination

On to the next challenge, which of course, is to forgo caffeine for a month. Joy. After some intensive research, we (and by we, I mean me and I hope Em agrees) have decided that means coffee, tea, coke, energy drinks, and chocolate. I know there is only a limited amount of caffeine in chocolate, but it can’t be bad to cut back on that too, right? I am somewhat worried about what I will do on the aforementioned early shifts without a coffee. Actually more importantly without tea. When I get to, the first thing I do is have a cup of tea. It’s less about the tea, and more about wrapping my hands around something warm, though, so I suppose I will cope with green/fruit tea. Or hot milk or something. Eeew.

And diet coke. Oh, how I love Diet Coke. You may have noticed, if you’ve been paying attention, that the box over there to the right has pretty much always featured diet coke as a thing to which I am addicted.

Actually, I need to ask for a dispensation for one night. I realise that it is very early to do this, and I don’t know who I am asking, except, well myself and Emily. But…rum train. I should explain the rum train. When certain members of my family get together, we like to drink. For ‘certain members’ read: all of us. And when it is my generation, there’s this thing called a rum train. It basically involves drinking a lot of rum. And at various intervals screeching “toot toot”. I don’t really even like rum, although it has grown on me in the past couple of years, and I was told that “we understand that, we just don’t tolerate it.” I have the distinct feeling that if I ask to mix my rum with ginger ale or something, not only will it taste foul, I will be mocked. And believe me, you haven’t been mocked until you have felt the warm, nasty, funny, mean embrace of my family. I am heading home for a mini-break, and to catch up with members of my family mid-month, and so there will be rum. Which means there will also be coke. Unless someone can think of a rum-and-something drink (we’re a simple family. Well, some of us are.) to replace it?

Failing that, it’ll be great! Not only will I feel jittery thanks to excessive sugar consumption from the rum, there’ll be all that glorious caffeine!

Anyway, I fully anticipate being a horrible bitch for the first week. But I’ll be able to self-medicate with wine, so really everybody wins!

How to have a lovely weekend without drinking.

You should make sure your weekend ‘unofficially’ starts on Thursday. You should enlist a friend to come over, and help you sew (or just actually sew) handbags for presents. And while you are at it, make one for yourself, especially if you can line it in what is affectionately termed ‘transvestite swimsuit’ fabric. You should make Mexican food, and feast, for dessert on cupcakes, plum chocolates and pate and crackers.

On Friday you should work – to make money for shopping. And after work, you should go to another friends house, where they will feed you laksa, and for dessert, you should have Peanut Slab ice cream and mini chocolate eclairs. If they are good friends, they will show you a classic movie you should really have seen, and you will love it, and giggle over all the popular culture quotes. You should play with their cat, and generally have a lovely time, and stay way too late.

On Saturday, you should wake up, and lie in bed listening to the rain and the birds, and if at all possible stare out your window, at the weather. You will have had plans that necessitated a nice day, but never mind. Instead, go do some shopping, (shoes, top,), while you wait to meet another friend for brunch. Mmmm, eggs. Then some more shopping, including a very cute pair of earrings (you might like to get some like mine, that have red strawberries on them). After that, you should got to Te Papa, where you should take in the earthquake house, the scary bird-filled room, and of course, the Rita Angus exhibition. You should be astounded by her talent, and amused by the inane comments of the people around you.

You should stop off and have some cake. It won’t be nearly as good as it looks, and the coffee will actually be pretty awful, but hey the company is good, and the view pretty impressive.

Now that you’ve had your dose of culture for the day (week, month), you can feel free to head to the Warehouse, and do some guilt free crap buying. Purchase some new sheets, and watch your friend buy awesome pink measuring cups and utensils. Then you can go to the #1 shoe warehouse, safe in the knowledge there’ll be no bargain as good as the $10 shoes you already bought.

Then, you should go home, straighten your hair, and gather your things for the party you are going to. And I’ll tell you something, sparkling grape juice is a terrible substitute for wine. But clothes swaps, party packs, nice people, and cupcakes are excellent ones!

On your way home, you should chat to your taxi driver, and resist the urge to punch him when he tells you the score of the rugby game you were about to go and watch. Instead, go to bed, so as to be half-fresh when you go to work at 5am.

After work, head home, nap, tidy, and mooch about. Then go to yet another friend’s house, and eat pasta, make up a quiz, and have steamed pudding.

See, it can be done – fun without alcohol!

Of course, all of this is contingent on you having a) money (easy without a cocktail habit to support) and b) friends. That second one is the most important – without them, you’d just stay in bed all day, listening to the rain, and the radio, being sad and alone. So there.

Dryly: 3

Internet, we have a problem. (At right- what’s problematic about that?)

When we started this whole Dryly thing, it was a bit of a joke, a bit or an experiment.  I felt in a bit of a rut, and thought it would be interesting to see if not drinking would make any difference to my life.  But I didn’t really think it would.

I don’t really think Claire or Nadine or I, or anyone doing Dryly really has a problem with drinking (though I can’t speak for all of them).  I know I’m ALAC’s worst nightmare, what with the binge drinking, and the making of bad decision while drunk, and the hangovers.  But really my drinking doesn’t effect anyone other than me.  As far as I remember, I have never called in hungover, and frankly, the amount of money I spend on snacks when I am must help the economy. I jest, but only a little.

I know my life, what with the drinking, and the staying out til 4am, and the spending, and the staying in bed til the afternoon, and the credit card debt, must seem tremendously selfish and irresponsible to some people. But really, while I have no dependents and few commitments shouldn’t I be able to enjoy being self-indulgent while I still can?  You’re reading my blog, the ultimate testament to how self involved I really am.

For a while there, around the end of last year, and the beginning of this, I was drinking a lot because I was tremendously unhappy.  Possibly the unhappiest I’ve ever been.  And I understand how unhealthy that is, and how self-destructive. It’s not even really about the drinking, but that when I’m unhappy, I go out a lot, to make myself feel like I’m happy, and to remind myself why i love my life.  But now – or pre-July – I drank because I enjoyed my friends, my life, and I love wine.  And because I fucking love being drunk.

So Dryly – expecting it to be amusing, something a bit different, but not really to make a difference to my life.

But.  Of course there’s a but.

My skin is clearer.  My hair is shinier.  I’ve lost a small (tiny infinitesimal) amount of weight.  I’m sleeping better.  This morning, when I got up to start work at 5, I only hit the snooze button once, and I was ready so quickly i had time to run my GHDs over my hair (a waste of time, as it turns out, but still).  I didn’t spend $100 going out on Friday night, so I had money to shop up a storm yesterday (shoes, jeans, a top, sheets, very cool earrings, a book, another pair of earrings, brunch). I’ve still had a great weekend*, and seen nearly all of my friends.

I don’t want there to be positive benefits of not drinking!  I wanted to be ‘Meh, all that’s really changed is that I don’t go out. And I’m bored, and I spend more money on food’.  But it would appear there’s something to this not drinking thing.  Claire and I discussed yesterday that giving up cold turkey, just to prove you can is a pretty good sign of being addicted to something.  I know enough about eating disorders to know that binging and fasting is pretty bad for you.  The question is whether there’s a middle ground that can give me all the benefits (I particularly like the skin/sleeping/wallet ones) and still have the funny, messy, probably poorly judged but still awesome nights, that I like to think will sustain me as memories when I’m a crazy old cat lady.

And don’t tell me I can have fun without drinking. I’m not really all that funny, interesting, confident, or reckless.  I just get to pretend I am after 4 wines.

So.  moderation?  We’ll see.  I like the concept, I just think it’s more likely that on August the first, I’ll fall off the wagon faster than you can say “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day”*.

*Which I will write about tomorrow, when it is over. ** Or so Frank Sinatra thought.

Wondering

If anyone has any suggestions what I could give up for Dryly’s successor, Augfast.

Considering chocolate, but that might just be too hard.

Dryly:2

Well, we’ve made it through a week, and are thus, almost a quarter of the way there.

And I must admit, it hasn’t really been that hard. I mean, there was a moment, at the supermarket on Wednesday night, when there was a woman doing a wine tasting, and I had to resist the urge to beat her with a french stick. But other than that, there’ve been no thoughts of violence.

The hardest moment so far, was before the rugby on Saturday, sitting at my brother’s apartment (I haven’t introduced the blog to him, yet, have I? Oh well, Daz the Angry Ginger is a post all on his own.) He had no Diet Coke in the house, and no juice or anything, just beer. And at 5 o’clock on a Saturday, prior to an All Blacks test, having a beer just seemed like the normal thing to do.

But I didn’t, so yay me.

And I must admit, yesterday was the best I’ve felt on a Monday in a long time. Not tired, not still slightly hungover from the weekend, and feeling broke because I spent too much money on greasy food to combat a hangover. I had a lovely weekend of seeing friends, exercising, watching sport, good food and sleeping in. Not that that couldn’t have all been improved by a nice glass of red wine.

But you know what? I managed to drag myself out of bed today at 3:20am. Not that it was easy, but the fact that I made it to work on time at 4am at all, is perhaps testament to this whole not drinking thing.